You First
by Noel Goddard
Original Pub. Date: June 2003
A ficlet written for ningyouhime including the line: “You first.”

Jack looked across the circle, where Daniel sat surrounded by the tribal elders. They were deep in conversation in a language that Jack couldn’t recognize. Daniel was nodding fiercely, as though they were discussing matters of life and death, not just a trip to the local holy place, which, according to Daniel, was called the cave of the Ancients. As he watched Daniel, he realized for the thousandth time just how damn sexy the archeologist was when he was in his element. Sure, he was sexy around the SGC, but he was even sexier when he was in the field in full archeologist mode.

Jack realized that things were starting to stir in inappropriate places, so he looked away from Daniel in an effort to cool things off. As his eyes roamed, he settled on Carter and Teal’C who were surrounded by a group of children, who were offering them some of the local cuisine. Carter was taking some small bites, trying to be polite, while Teal’C was examining the food as if it were going to jump off the tray and attack him.

He turned as he heard Daniel clear his throat. “Daniel?”


Jack could already tell that this was going to be bad. Very bad. “Yes, Daniel?”

Daniel looked over at Carter and Teal’C nervously before continuing. “Well, Jack. Apparently, before the tribal leaders will take us to the cave of the Ancients, we have to pass some kind of test.”

Jack rubbed at his brow. “What kind of test, Daniel?”

Jack noticed that Daniel had his nervous squinting tick going full force. Not good at all.

Daniel continued, “Well, it seems that according to tribal culture, only the strongest male is allowed to enter the cave of the Ancients. Women are strictly prohibited, so Carter is out. “ Daniel glanced quickly at Carter, who was now giving the evil eye to the tribal elders.

“Also, according to their culture, anyone who is possessed of the snake cannot enter. So, Teal’C, as a Jaffa, is prohibited from entering.” As Daniel and Jack glanced at the Jaffa, Teal’C arched an eyebrow, but then nodded at the tribal elders out of respect.

“So, that leaves the two of us, Jack.”

“So, do we arm wrestle or what, Daniel?”

Daniel cleared his throat nervously. “Apparently, in this culture, strength is associated with size.”

Not liking where this was going, Jack’s eyes narrowed. “Size of what, Daniel?”

Daniel just smiled weakly and said meaningfully, “Size, Jack.”

“Oh fer cryin’ out loud, Daniel! They just expect us to whip it out right here?”

Daniel just nodded.

Jack stared at Daniel before looking over at the tribal leaders. Then, a wicked glint appeared in his eye. “You first.”



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