Fermi Fashion
by Noel Goddard
Original Pub. Date: July 2004
A ficlet written specifically for georgeh including the line: "Your butt really does look nice."


I stood on the step as the tailor measured the hem of the Fermi suit. You know, when I conceived Project Quantum Leap, I had no idea that I would need a tailor on site. Then one of the biophysicists on the project pointed out that if I stepped into the accelerator without a proper “interface” I would be risking third degree burns over ninety percent of my body. Not wanting to reach the past as a french fry, I had quickly hired the best tailor from the local air force base. Who knew the air force had tailors?

God, having some of Al’s neurons was really starting to have an effect on me. For the 412th time, I wondered whether all this really was such a good idea. It was an ethics nightmare, which was why there was no ethicist on staff, and honestly, the science was kind of dicey. Maybe that’s why our budget had been cut again this year.

I turned as directed, so that the tailor could work on the other side. As I stared at the blank wall, I heard a familiar chortle from behind me. “Oh God, Al. Give me a break. I didn’t ask for this.”

I looked over my shoulder to see Al gesturing with his cigar. "Your butt really does look nice."

Running a frustrated hand over my face, I sparred back. “Great, thanks, Al. I’m sure that all the other time travelers will be jealous.”

Putting on the patented Calavicci leer, he jabbed back. “Who said anything about the other time travelers? I’m thinkin’ I might want to order an extra one for you to wear around the house.”

Feeling more than seeing the raised eyebrows of the tailor, I groaned. “Al, c’mon. We’re at work here.”

He paused to take a puff on his cigar. “Whatever you say, Sammy. Keep that on, and you’re gonna have more work to do at home.”

After a final leer at my ass, he left. I knew I was in for it when I got home tonight. “Oh boy!”



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